Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
