OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
