i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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