if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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