If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
