about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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