Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
