I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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