its not stalking. its research.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
