im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
