I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk is a universal language darling
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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