good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
