Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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