I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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