We won't sleep together?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
