guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
