She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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