I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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