i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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