No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
