I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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