i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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