i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
