Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
