Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
