Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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