Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
