It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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