Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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