Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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