I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
