theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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