My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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