; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
