I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
