oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
