pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
false alarm, still single
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