Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
