today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
