I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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