Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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