Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
