I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We are two peas in an std pod
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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