I think i peed on brittanys purse
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
