apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
