Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
