the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My dick has a subreddit
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
