my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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