Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
