I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
