He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
