god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
